Sigh. Something that occurred to me.

[passerine]

Betty Friedan seriously got it wrong when she wrote The Feminine Mystique. I'll use my usual paraphrase-summary to get the point across:

Nobody can possibly be fulfilled as a person by the drudgery that is domestic labor and housekeeping. So...hire a cleaning lady and go find yourself!

The sad part is? I've tripped over this particular Fail over and OVER again in relationship-advice and parenting-advice contexts. The key to domestic bliss is to hand your dirty work off to someone else, and not think too much about the meaning of that act. (Say what you will about Nickel and Dimed but that book is the reason that such a thing will forever be a non-option for me.)

Why can't we all learn to, literally, clean up our own shit?

ETA because I remembered what triggered that line of thought:

Epic Doctor Fail = an opthamologist informing me that I am responsible for making sure my husband eats healthy meals. Seriously, WHAT? invisionary has some Weird Issue With Seeing that has him passing standard eye tests just fine but makes the reading of a paperback book a headache-inducing ordeal. He also once tested a little bit high on a fasting glucose draw. Apparently, this means that I, being Teh Wifey, am supposed to play Diet Police if I care about his being able to get through school (and that invisionary putting in a request for reasonable accommodation to his school on these grounds would be totally out of order). So much FAIL. *sigh* Anyone know of a good eye-doc around the capital district?

Comments

[ailbhe]

Paying someone to clean up after oneself is only demeaning if you pay the going market rate, rather than the actual value of the work - it confuses the hell out of cleaning ladies but eventually they accept it. Like babysitting. The market rate is exploitative and wrong, definitely.

This is part of why I never get to go out, mind ou.

[passerine]

The trouble is, you have to be pretty rich to start with to pay someone what the work is truly worth. That's part of why I'm the only one with an outside job at the moment.

[distractionary]

I wish I had an opthalmologist suggestion, but in the two and a half years I've been up here I've only gotten an eye exam in the area once - and it was at the Lenscrafters at Crossgates, so I don't think they have very many Complicated Eye Problem doctors. :\

[dmsj]

I guess I'm no one, then. I'm starting to get burned out NOW on the housewife/SAHM deal, but that's after doing it since November 2007.

[delight]

My parents do! I should have an answer for you by tonight – it's too bad my dad left before I saw this. *emails them*

[holyschist]

Apparently cleaning ladies don't need fulfillment? I don't think it's wrong to hire someone to clean if you pay a reasonable (read: well above market) rate, but it's still a privilege to be able to do so. It reminds me a bit of one of my mom's book group members insisting that anyone can find fulfilling work (but where, I ask, are the people who are fulfilled by working at McDonald's or mopping floors? Fulfilling work is a privilege most people will never experience).

Your opthamologist is a jackass. I had an ER doctor lecture me about how F. needed to go to a dentist once, which...um, not his mother? He's a grown-up? I cannot make do anything! And it's not my job! This attitude, though, is why married men are healthier--because Teh Wifeys take care of them (heaven forbid we raise men to take care of themselves, although at least today's men are better at it than my dad's generation).

[passerine]

It reminds me a bit of one of my mom's book group members insisting that anyone can find fulfilling work (but where, I ask, are the people who are fulfilled by working at McDonald's or mopping floors? Fulfilling work is a privilege most people will never experience).

There's a lot I want to say regarding this, but it's probably part of its own post. To sum up:

1) There are people who have those sorts of jobs and enjoy them. Probably not as a lifetime career, admittedly, but at certain points in life they can be just the right thing.

2) What makes a job "fulfilling" anyway? Is it totally up to the person who has the job to say, or is there an objective standard? If there is an objective standard, what is it?

3) The same job can be fulfilling in some aspects and totally not in others. The Horrible Job that trashed my mental health (and physical health in some ways thanks to triggering me into a full-on case of binge eating disorder) was fulfilling in the sense of being socially useful - the social environment surrounding it was just incredibly toxic.

There's also a whole tangent that really doesn't address what you were saying directly - it is regarding the sense of entitlement I've seen among some youth and some recent college graduates regarding what kinds of jobs they should be able to get (this was worse when the dot-com craze was at its peak).

[holyschist]

I think it's up to the person, and I can absolutely imagine that almost any kind of job could be fulfilling for someone under some circumstance. But I don't think that, realistically, everyone can find a fulfilling job even by their own personal definition.

It's a strange way to define a goal, I think, for the reasons you mention.

[indywind]

If anyone would give me a livable salary, paid vacation, sick, health insurance, & retirement contract position with option for longterm career cooking, cleaning house, caring for livestock or kids or seniors, mowing lawns, hoeing garden, etc., I would be all over that.

I have no problem finding fulfilling work. I do have a hard time finding fulfilling work that will support me securely over the longterm, and that is not devalued by society. Or by particular other people, who find their personal fulfillment elsewhere so think anything they dislike/disapprove of must be of little value and questionable virtue.