passerine: Picture of Jiao Razel from Dykes to Watch Out for (Jiao Razel)
So, apparently the idea of the "emotional affair" is one that some relationship advice-and-counseling folks are really big on these days. There are actually some slightly useful concepts that could be related to this, like the idea that actual sexual contact with another person does not have to occur for someone to be unfaithful to marriage vows or other relationship agreements. (My ex-fiance, who was all kinds of dishonest and also had a serious substance-use problem, used to love to remind me that, "Hey, at least I didn't CHEAT ON YOU!" as if that somehow made the rest of his various unacceptable behavior perfectly OK.)

But...the concept as a whole is one that I find incredibly problematic for a lot of reasons.

cut for length - minor talk of sex involved as well )
passerine: Picture of Sparrow from Dykes to Watch For (Default)
I don't think it's impossible to raise social class, some doomsayer predictions to the contrary. At least, I think that it is possible to go from, in GURPS terms, Poor to Average, or Struggling to Comfortable. (Anything beyond Comfortable is another matter.)

However, it's a bit like Finding The Right Psych Meds For You, if you are one of the people who is in need of such things. There are many options out there. However, as far as the usefulness of any given option, if I remember my reading correctly the best numbers I've seen (assuming correct diagnosis and yadda yadda) for a specific drug working to provide significant symptom control without intolerable side effects is about 40%. The chances that you'll get that drug on the first try...not necessarily so good, especially since that 40% number is for an oldie-but-goodie (lithium to treat Bipolar I) that doesn't rake in the dough for Big Pharma. And well, some drugs make things much worse if you attack the wrong problem - say, your "depression, insomnia and anxiety" is really bipolar disorder, or your "treatment-resistant atypical depression" is really hypothyroidism. People can also have drugs not just not work but make things actively worse - paradoxical reactions, allergic reactions, serious weight gain (or loss), and other truly unacceptable physical consequences are all possibilities.

And of course, because of the horror stories out there about particular drugs and their possible side effects (the 1-in-3000 chance of getting hit with the Lamictal Rash, the prospect of gaining 100 pounds on Zyprexa, the you'll-never-have-or-want-sex-again-and-btw-good-luck-trying-to-get-off-this-stuff horror stories of Paxil, etc etc) or because a given person thinks that "solving problems" with medication is ALWAYS morally wrong, some people who can barely function are continuing to barely function out of fear that they will lose what little function they have, or lose their pride in "making it on [their] own."

But anyway, this is about being poor, not about psychopharmgeeking.

and when talking about poverty, most of these issues have parallels )
passerine: Picture of Sparrow from Dykes to Watch For (Default)
I've had some of these thoughts in the back of my mind for some time now, based on everything from some of my own past relationships to the work I do with domestic violence programs for the state. What brought them forward was some of the reading and discussion in my Human Behavior class this semester.

The summary: What one of the readings called "the language of codependency" is, in my view, anti-feminist in the extreme as well as imprecise and easy to misapply. This language is on my list of Things To Avoid As A Clinician.

The long version follows:

Part 1: One Term, Too Many Definitions )
Part 2: Problems With The Original Definition )
Part 3: Codependency Is A Woman's Job! )
Part 4: Co-option of co-dependent )
Epilogue: By The Way, Why Doesn't She Just Leave? )

EDIT TO ADD: I was actually able to find an online copy of one of the articles used in my class. If you don't mind doing the somewhat more scholarly reading involved, you can look at it here. The article proposes "over-responsible" and "under-responsible" as alternative terminology, which I find useful. (Sort of like how I find my concept of "Depressed Logic" more useful than defining depression-induced thoughts that contradict objective reality as "irrational".)


passerine: Picture of Sparrow from Dykes to Watch For (Default)
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