passerine: Picture of Jiao Razel from Dykes to Watch Out for (Jiao Razel)
This is in reference to the "Schroedinger's Rapist" post and some of the commentary that ensued.

First, I 100% agree with the commenter who pointed out that every unknown adult is "Schroedinger's Kidnapper" when it comes to kids. Yes, I know just how unlikely stranger abductions are.

However, and second, and in response to a lot of the Nice Guy(TM) types who started complaining about how their need to be socially validated trumped the need of the women they are bothering to feel personally safe, I have this to say:

EVERY stranger is Schroedinger's Scary Person. For that matter, every person who is moving from a previous less-intimate context to a current more-intimate context (online friend to offline friend, person I hang out with in public to person I'm OK with bringing to my house, person that I permit to be alone with my children, etc.) is, in a sense, Schroedinger's Scary Person when that move is first made.

That doesn't mean that the person IS scary - it means that when I first meet you (or when context changes, as above), I DON'T KNOW. I don't have enough information to judge. However, if the information I have to judge tells me that you don't believe respecting other people's boundaries or personal space is important, that moves you the step from, "Probably this person is fine, but I want to do some basic common-sense verification to make sure I'm not wrong about this," to, "This person IS a potential problem."

Therefore, you REALLY don't want to give that impression if what you WANT is an increase in positive interaction.

What does this mean? It means that most of us have certain rules if you want to interact with us at a closer level than before. For me, personally, it means the following:

- If I don't know you at all, be polite when you first introduce yourself to me, or I'm not going to invest in getting to know you further.
- If I know you from online and I'm meeting you offline for the first time, regardless of the context of the meeting, then "first time public place" and a safecall WILL occur. The last time I made an exception to that was for someone I'd known online for nine years when [personal profile] invisionary and I went to stay at her house - this person had also been vouched for by someone I knew offline who had previously met her offline as well.
- I'm not leaving you alone with my kids without witnessing how you interact with them in my presence first.
- Lots of other things, but those are a good starting point.


passerine: Picture of Sparrow from Dykes to Watch For (Default)
Social Sparrow

October 2011

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