And when you DO do the "right" thing and serve as the caregiver, people forget that you're human too. I'll never forget the conversation I had with my mother, when she talked about some medical problems my grandmother was having and I asked, "How are YOU holding up? I know it's not easy to be a caregiver." And there was a long pause, followed by, "Thank you so much for asking me that. Mostly people don't."

We have such a fucked-up relationship to caregiving in this society - supposedly it is something that just anybody can do, no matter the physical or behavioral problems being exhibited by the care recipient, no matter the physical or emotional or financial limitations of the caregiver - and at the same time it is something that people shouldn't want to do or feel good about themselves for doing, whether the person being cared for is a first-degree relative or a stranger they are being paid to care for.

FAIL.